|You've Been Dumped! Here's
How to Get Over It
Weve all been there. Weve
fallen in love with somebody who just didnt love us back. Weve
heard a variety of exit lines: I think its time we started seeing
other people, I love you, but Im not in love with you,
or Its not you. Its me.
Its hard to accept when the other
person just stops returning phone messages, but its even worse when
they keep calling after the break-up. Running into the object of affection
in a public place is also a killer, especially if he or she gives mixed signals
by making persistent eye contact. It doesnt help when they send an
email every so often to see how youre doing, either.
Instead, it makes it really easy for
you to lie to yourself. You tell yourself that this person really does love
you but is afraid of being hurt. The poor thing! If only you could convince
him or her that you are a gentle soul utterly incapable of causing pain.
If only you could prove your trustworthiness, your dedication. You will win
him over! You will make her see! You will!
You lie awake at night replaying the
happy scenes between you. You remember the tender way she looked at you while
you recited your lines from the Third Grade Christmas pageant over a candlelit
dinner. You bring to mind the yielding fullness of his lower lip as you kissed
him on the beach. Surely this person loves you! Why must they live in such
terror of loving and be loved?
And so it goes. You become caught up
in believing that someone who doesnt love you really does, blinding
yourself to opportunities to meet a person who will truly make you
You cannot move on until you stop obsessing,
but thats easier said than done, right? Heres what worked for
Tell the person to bug off. Just as you
must cease contact with the object of your affection, he or she must cease
contact with you. Tell this person youre not ready to be friends and
you dont know if you ever will be. Any patronizing emails they send
inquiring to your well-being will be left unread and marked as SPAM.
Write down all the things that bothered
you. After being dumped, its natural to idealize the dumper. We remember
the happy events and tender moments, but we forget about the time he was
chatting away with a blob of scrambled egg stuck to his lip, or how mascara
used to crumble in her eye sockets. We forget about the stack of Victorias
Secret catalogs he kept on his night table, or her fondness for using four-letter
words in 4-Star restaurants. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults, so
write down a list of the object of your affections worst traits and
pull it out every time that scene of the two of you fooling around at sunrise
pops into your head. Tape a copy to your bathroom mirror while youre
at it, so you see it first thing in the morning.
Throw out all reminders. It doesnt
even have to be a gift. It could be a book you discussed, a bottle of wine
you shared thats still on your kitchen counter, or the sheets you slept
on together. Treat yourself by replacing everything. Start fresh.
Turn off the radio. Youre minding
your own business, doing quite well, thank you, when all of a sudden some
song comes on the radio that reminds you of the object of your obsession.
Change the channel. Snap off the radio. Act fast, or in an instant you will
be back where you started, treading the cycle of being in love, jilted,
depressed, hopeful, and delusional.
Picture the person in a repellent fashion.
It didnt matter that the object of my affection didnt even own
a baseball cap, an effective technique I used to turn myself off
to him was to imagine him wearing a baseball cap in a restaurant. I really
hate a guy who wears a baseball cap in a restaurant. Surely there are things
that turn you off. Imagine the object of your obsession doing them.
Make the commitment. The reason we obsess
about people who hurt us is because its comfortable. Heck, sometimes
its even fun. But to move on to the love you deserve, you have to make
a commitment to stop obsessing. So make it. Remember, the opposite of love
is not hate. Its indifference. When youre indifferent to the
person who hurt you, you will truly be free and on your way to genuine
to Get Over a Breakup
Because a Break Up Can Hurt
Has the person you lovemore than anything
in the worldleft you? Did the two of you break up? Have you been dumped,
slighted, walked out on, or deserted for another? Does your heart ache and
ache endlessly? Have you lost sleep, your appetite, or even your job? Are
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Does Your Ex Still Love You?
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