|The Five Worst Date
Food in teeth, nausea, childhood
stories and exposing your pot belly are all things you ought to avoid on
first or second dates. You run the risk of experiencing these and other
humiliating incidents if you choose the wrong place to bring your date. Good
places are memorable, different, unique, cost-effective, and relevant to
both of you in some way. Bad date places have none of these qualities and
the worst places not only lack these things, but also embarrass you and assure
that youll never get another date with the person again.
Lets look at the function
of a date. If youre single, a date acts like an interview. Your goal
is to get the other person to still like you enough when the date is over
to go out with you again, assuming youre still interested as well.
Youre trying to appear cool, sexy, together, confident, and fun.
Youre also trying to make the other person as comfortable as
Thats why avoiding the worst
places is the first step in smart dating. The following lists the worst places
you could choose to go on a date and I recommend that you avoid them like
the plague if you want the other person to still like you when its
An Amusement Park
As the roller coaster nears its
pinnacle your date looks over the side and silently swears under her breath
at you for talking her into going on this ride. She hates roller coasters,
has always been afraid of them, and is highly susceptible to motion sickness.
As she contemplates her strategy to avoid you in the future, the coaster
starts its stomach-turning decent, and she leans over and throws up in your
lap, her way of saying Thanks for the great date.
Amusement parks are a funky
phenomenon. Youll often find overgrown stuffed animals running around
trying to high-five you, screaming children, long lines, and overpriced food.
Unless your date is an amusement park buff, its unlikely he or she
is going to love the idea.
*** The Beach ***
Dont get me wrong, the beach
is a great place. But from the point of view of a date with a near stranger,
it stinks. First, theres an awful lot of sand and it can get everywhere.
You cant easily eat on the beach; a lack of furniture contributes to
that. With sand and bugs-o-plenty, eating ends up being a
But probably the worst thing about
the beach is that youre compelled to take off most of your clothes.
Now, if you both have hot bodies, well-groomed with flat stomachs and great
muscle tone, then you have nothing to worry about. But if you dont,
stay away from places that make you feel silly if you want to keep all your
imperfection-hiding clothes on.
*** A Non-Traditional Restaurant
One time I took a date to a Japanese
restaurant where they made everyone take off their shoes upon entering. There
were no chairs, just floor-level tables that everyone sat around on little
pillows. It didnt seem like it was going to be too bad until I started
to smell my feet while eating our salads. The noxious odor must have been
escaping from the various holes in my ratty socks. The whole night was
Other places to avoid are eateries
where youre expected to use your hands to feed yourself. A first date
doesnt want to watch you maul your barbeque ribs and chicken legs like
The Missing Link. No one likes the thought of being touched later on by greasy
fingers. And have you ever eaten corn on the cob and come away with clean
*** A Family Function
I dont know about your family,
but a few of my great-aunts have hairy faces. I mean really hairy, with partial
beards and hairy moles. One of my uncles thinks hes still living in
1880 and uses every racist expression ever known. So it goes without saying
that I never brought dates to family functions. And you shouldnt either.
Weddings, reunions, baptisms, bat mitzvahs, and especially funerals, are
Theres no such thing as
a family that isnt dysfunctional. It doesnt exist. If you bring
a first or second date to a family function be prepared for somebody to embarrass
you. Grandma will ask you two when youre getting married and when to
expect great grandchildren. And your little cousin Eunice will promptly tell
your date all about the time you farted in church.
*** Your Parents House for
I cant think of a more
uncomfortable setting than sitting at a dinner table with complete strangers
in their own house. Dont put a date through this torture. You may have
the hippest parents in the world. They may intelligent, hospitable and
interesting. But dont subject anyone you just recently met to your
parents for an entire dinner.
Often the parent of your same
sex looks like youre going to look in twenty five years. Youll
find your date sizing up your parent asking themselves whether theyll
be ok with your pot belly and hairy ears a couple of decades from
Bringing your date to your
parents house is just asking for trouble. Your mom may temporarily
forget that youre trying to make an impression and start talking to
you like youre thirteen years old again, Before you leave tonight
my little muffin, can you take your hemorrhoid ointment out of our medicine
cabinet, daddy keeps using it for lip cream by mistake.
Dates can be traumatic and
nerve-racking in the best of places so dont make it harder on either
of you than you have to. There are some great places to take a date that
will make you look like a hero, wont cost you too much, will give you
just enough time to talk to each other, but will also provide an entertaining
Im talking about museums,
jazz shows, rock concerts, musicals, art shows, plays and live comedy. These
are all cool places to bring a first or second date. They allow you to talk
and be entertained at the same time. These types of places make the date
memorable, distinct and out of the ordinary. It shows you put more than just
a little thought in the idea. And if youre trying to get someone to
go out with you for the first time, find out what kind of bands, shows, comedians
or plays they like, buy a couple of tickets, and casually invite them along
with an explanation like your buddy just cancelled on you and you have a
free ticket that you dont want to waste.
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