|
|
Are You Really Ready For a
Relationship?
By
Susan
Sheppard
So often I hear, I want a boyfriend,
Im married but Im not happy. I just got divorced and I dont
want to make the same mistake again. When will I find someone? It occurred
to me recently that in order to be in a relationship that works, its
necessary to be ready to enter one. I know that sounds really simple, but
if we look at our national divorce rate, you can see that it is not simple.
In fact, I seriously doubt that many people consider their readiness for
marriage or relationship of any sort. I think the average scenario goes something
like this. He is attracted to how she looks. She is attracted to his energy
and productivity. They start dating and eventually she thinks it might be
a good idea to get married. He goes along because he is sure its going
to get him regular sex and then all their friends and relatives get excited
about their wedding. They have a big celebration and then they start to realize
there is more to marriage than living together. Please forgive me for the
offensive simplification of this scenario. It is merely an illustration.
My awareness heightened when I began
working with clients who were in a state of chaos. They were in various stages
of post relationship survival. Their finances were in a shambles. Some were
broken hearted, with no self-esteem, out of work, wondering what to do about
their rent and utilities payments and seeking coaching about their relationships.
Many, I think, were planning on having a new relationship rescue him/her
from impending disaster. I started to think about parameters for readiness
in relationship. What specific standards and status should be the baseline?
What exactly constitutes readiness? What is definite is that nothing is definite.
So where do we start?
First is desire. The desire to be part
of something is manifested in relationship. You cant be in
relationship unless you want to be. Partnership demands a serious time
commitment, one on one conversations, planning, dating, socializing,
compromising, making love, having sex, playing, working, sleeping, having
children and raising them, shopping, cleaning house. Granted, some of these
things you would do even if you were not in relationship. However, once you
are seriously committed, as in living together, every one of the above -mentioned
tasks involves agreement and participation by both partners.
Even prior to living together, finding
someone you are willing to try being in relationship with is practically
a full time job. So many of the people that I talk with in my work, tell
me, I just dont have the energy to go through the process of dating
and getting to know someone well enough to feel comfortable being authentic
and intimate. Dont you agree that many people settle for what they
have, even if unsatisfying, because its just too much work to change
it?
Those that I have coached all the way
to marriage and beyond have been serious about getting married. They wanted
it, they were willing to do whatever it takes to find and enroll the right
partner. They also do whatever it takes to maintain the level of passion
and intimacy, production and appetite that are necessary to sustain a healthy,
vibrant, satisfying relationship. In other words, they do not assume that
once you are in a marriage or committed relationship
that IT will take care of itself.
One seemingly unrelated concept that
has forever been an annoyance has to do with loan applications. Bear with
me on this. Whenever you submit a loan or credit application, the first response
of the lender is to check your credit and your financial picture. If it appears
that you need money for any reason, the likelihood of approval for financing
is almost nil. However, if you appear financially stable with plenty of unused
credit and a steady job and money in savings, every financial institution
is clamoring to lend you money. So how does this relate?
It is my opinion, that love and relationship
operate in the same way. Lets say you go to the love bank and ask for
a boyfriend/girlfriend, a serious one perhaps leading to marriage. The love
bank manager takes a look at you and says. You work too much, you spend all
of your money, your credit cards are maxed-out, you have diminished self
esteem and a broken heart from the last one, youre physically and
emotionally bankrupt, and you dont trust anyone. REJECTED!!! Now, you
are really in need of someone to save you so you continue looking at all
of the B and C rated love lenders, bars, pick up joints, work, internet dating
services, personal ads until you find someone who is as needy as you are.
You need someone to rebuild your self-esteem and reassure you that you are
indeed lovable.
WRONG!!!!!
Although I have never been fond of credit
reporting agencies and the use of their information by lending institutions,
there is some validity in their strategy that is applicable to relationship
coaching. In order to be ready for a serious relationship, one must achieve
the following:
1. Desire to be in relationship
2. Self esteem. Know that you
are attractive and have something to offer another person.
3. Financial stability. At least enough
income to take care of your housing and basic needs and minimal credit card
debt.
4. Work. A job that satisfies some of
your achievement needs.
5. Vulnerability. Enough healing that
you are able to share your authentic self with this person.
6. Love. An abundance for yourself with
enough left over to share with another person.
I am not saying that you must be in perfect
shape. What I am saying, however, is that you will attract a person who is
your balance, someone who has the same or different issues in the same
proportions. If you are needy, you will attract neediness. If you have intimacy
issues you will attract someone who is shut down. So it is in your best interests
to undertake a personal redevelopment plan prior to looking for a relationship.
Be the best you that you can be to offer to another person. This seems to
be a great way to start the new year. Funny, how it usually happens that
someone who has been taking extraordinary care of themselves and not looking
for a relationship suddenly finds him/herself in love.
Relationship coaching is life coaching.
Life becomes extraordinary when we discover that being absolutely committed
to taking care of ourselves, leads to abundance in every aspect of our
lives.
Penis
Advantage Are you really happy with your penis size. Enlarge your
penis 1 - 4 inches, FAST, SAFE, REAL! You are just a few minutes away from
learning the ONLY method that will
guarantee you the
1 - 4 extra inches you have always wanted!
Follow this
link
to see why this program makes others look downright embarrassing! |
|
Attraction
is Everything! Here's what to do when you lose
theirs
Hurting? Learn how to break
free from their spell
My
Breakup Space
My Breakup Blog
My Big Breakup
The Zodiac Man
STOP a Breakup
Breakups Magazine
Date a
Millionaire
Gay/Lesbian Advice
Cunnilingus
Academy
Curl her toes with these tips and techniques!
What
Makes You Irresistible?
Marriage
Proposal Ideas
Red Hot Love
Relationships
The Ultimate
Woman's Guide To Dating
The Muscly
Jerks Guide. Muscle Building Program To Attract Women
OUR
MEMBERS' BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS
SocietySurf!
Breakup Community
Guy Gets Girl!
How To Be
Irresistible
Save My
Relationship
Hypno Date
Perfect Love
Letters
Man Magnet
Broken Heart Repair
Get Your Ex Back
Why Women Cheat
Why Women Dump Men
Breaking Up With a Narcissist Forum
Stop His
Commitmentphobia
|