||Online Dating: How I Met
Do you think online dating is only for
the young and the foolish? Not true! Lots of men and and women of all ages
are finding the love of their life through online dating. I did it and so
Oh, No, Single Again!
When I separated from husband number three, I was 47 years old and plenty
scared that I would never find a good man to love. I read all those stories
about how a woman over 40 has a better chance of being hit by lightning than
getting married again. It's all nonsense. Your life is determined by the
state of your consciousness.
When you end an unhappy chapter of your life, it means you've got some
soul-searching and spiritual work to do. If you are willing to do
the work required to heal your emotional hurts and resentments, you can write
a new chapter with a very different ending. I went through a real Dark
Night of the Soul following my third divorce, but I had such a big,
stubborn ego that the only way I was going to learn the lessons I needed
to learn was to be completely humbled.
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I didn't really find my own spiritual
truth until I lost everything else. It took some time, but I eventually
turned my life around completely on every front-health, finances,
work, and relationships.
As you get older, it becomes more difficult to meet eligible men. More and
more people of every age are using online dating to find their special someone.
My story should give you lots of confidence that you can meet the right
man for you, no matter what your age or geographical location. When you're
having trouble meeting eligible prospects in more conventional ways online
dating is certainly worth a try.
If anyone had a good reason to complain about how hard it was to meet a good
man, it was me. I was over 50, living in a very small mountain town where
most people in my age group were married couples. It's a community of pickup
trucks and blue jeans. The local joke is: If you find a guy in Big
Bear who is still single, he's either in recovery or on parole. In
nearly three years of living there I met a few single men, but no one that
I wanted to date.
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Finding My Soul Mate
Two weeks after I moved in to the new house I bought, I met my soul mate.
It all started several months before, when a woman I knew showed up at church
one Sunday with a nice looking, neatly dressed guy in tow. In a sport coat
and slacks, not blue jeanswow!
He's not from around here, is he? I asked, Where did you
On the internet! she replied.
Are you serious? I gasped! She told me there were lots of nice
men in our age group using the online dating sites and encouraged me to try
the one where they met.
Online? Understand why putting together a profile of yourself is serious
I put my profile and picture on
the website she recommended and a whole new world opened up to me. Quite
a few men contacted me, and this gave me the opportunity to practice and
hone my skills at determining whether they were worth the time and trouble
to actually meet in person.
I was very specific about my basic requirements in my profile and it amazed
me to see how many guys seemed to just ignore what they read. I stated that
I did not want a long distance relationship. He must live close enough
geographically so we could see each other at least twice a week. I'd get
e-mails from New York, Florida, Texas. I stated flatly no smokers.
Then I'd find out in a phone conversation that the guy smoked! What were
they thinking? Couldn't they read?
I did meet several good men and dated them for a period of weeks or months,
but no one really clicked with me. That was all right. It was fun checking
the internet site to see who contacted me, then writing and talking to lots
of different men. Sure, a few were losers or idiots, but most were just
decent men who wanted to meet their special woman and fall in love.
Online? Understand why the first thing to do is NOT run straight for
a "singles" chat room.
The whole experience restored my faith
in the male of the species. I saw that most men want someone to love
just as much as we women do. They touched my heart and strengthened my resolve
to keep the faith. I believed with all my heart that my soul mate was out
there looking for me and wanting me as much as I wanted him.
I read some of the success stories posted on the site and noticed that in
many cases, the woman had made the initial contact. It gave me the
confidence to try my own search instead of just responding to those who contacted
me. I wondered if there might be anyone interesting who lived anywhere nearby.
My search turned up dozens of men who lived within an hour's drive.
Something immediately drew me to Stephen's profile. He lived in a
nearby town right at the bottom of the mountain. His face was blurry in his
photo but he was wearing a sleeveless tee shirt, which revealed his muscular
upper arms. I'm a sucker for a great pair of biceps, so I contacted
him by e-mail. In his online dating profile he said he liked to write poetry,
so in the subject line I wrote: Your muse awaits.
He was intrigued by my message. He wasn't
quite sure what a muse was and had to look it up in the dictionary. (A muse
is someone who is an inspiration to an artist, especially a poet). He told
me later that my clever, romantic line made his day.
We wrote back and forth a few times, and then talked on the phone for several
weeks. He sounded rather casual on the phone and I wasn't sure I wanted
to meet him. He was persistent though, and convinced me to meet him at
a coffee house called Grounds for Enjoyment. Little did I know how prophetic
that would turn out to be!
I still didn't know what his face looked like. Oh, but there was no mistake
about those biceps! I assumed his looks would be nothing special because
of the blurry photo. I kept my expectations low and my mind open,
so I wouldn't be disappointed, no matter what happened.
The First Meeting
I was waiting outside when he pulled up in his purple Explorer. He got out
and walked toward me and my heart nearly stopped! He was tall, slim, and
extremely good looking, half-Italian with dark hair and eyes, an aquiline
nose, and strong jaw line. He was wearing a black leather jacket that immediately
reminded me of my old high school swains back in New Jersey.
We said hello, and then he impulsively gave me a hug. It caught me off guard
but I liked it, and it was okay with me that he did it.
We hit it off immediately. We talked for hours that first night. Before
I drove back up the mountain I told him that he felt like family to me. He
reminded me so much of my Italian family back east. Being with him was easy
We dated, got engaged, and then married
a year and three months later. Online dating worked for me better than I
could have dreamed!
If I had not done all that spiritual work before I met him, none of
this would have come to be. He is so grateful to have a woman in his life
that enjoys being in charge. And I am so grateful to have a man in my life
who accepts and loves me as I am. We've been together five years now and
every day I'm thankful to have such a good man as my partner in
Great relationships are created through your consciousness (as is everything
else in your life). That's what I know to be true through my own experience.
Great love is possible for every one of us so don't give up! Online
dating could be the perfect way for you to meet your soul mate just as it
was for me.
Barbara Wright Abernathy helps
take-charge women be as successful at love as they are at work. She's the
author of Venus On Top: Women Who Are Born to Lead and the Men Who Love
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